Reflecting on my very first co-star: One Year Later

It started the way things usually do, with a CMail message from my agent (at the time). There's no word to describe the dopamine rush I get when I get a CMail message! This message is delivered through a website called Actors Access, which is a great tool that actors can also use to submit themselves for all kinds of tv, film, theatre, commercial, and voiceover (VO) projects across the country, and even in Canada.

I immediately clicked into the EcoCast for more information. The emails are so vague, what could this project be? A sports documentary? A re-enactment series? I was pleasantly surprised to see it was for a Ryan Murphy project about Aaron Hernandez. As a former (current, who am I kidding!) Gleek I was SO excited for the opportunity to audition for a Ryan Murphy project. Thank you to Bright/Daniels casting for calling me in!

Reading through the EcoCast, it looks like I'm playing a grieving friend, deceased at the hands of Aaron Hernandez (allegedly). That was easy enough for me to do, considering what I was dealing with personally at the time.

No words, just crying. Ok, how do I make this not cringey. The scene they provided was essentially me amongst family and friends as the person who is accused of murdering a dear friend of mind is about to get read the verdict. As the verdict reads "Not guilty", we react in despair for the miscarriage of justice that unfolded.

I did some historical deep diving and listened to the Gladiator podcast to determine the specific details of the trial, so that I could establish myself in relation to the victim and after some creative thought, I made him my big brother. I then realized I was heading out of town the next day, so I went ahead and did my tape and submitted that night.Not sure if that had a factor in me later booking, but there is a school of thought that recommends actors to submit their auditions as soon as they can. It worked in this case, but I always feel that its more important to submit your highest quality work at the quickest pace, not just rushing to be the first to submit.

I did 2 takes - in hindsight, there isn't too much difference between the two but I tried to make the second one a more gradual experience, and really immersed myself in the courtroom and with my other grieving friends and family.

Take 1

Take 2

The audition deadline was on 2/15/2024 and later that day, I received an email from my agent (at the time) that they were sending my audition to producers! Me?!

I confirmed my availability ASAP. Calendar cleared, I'll be free! Then it was a waiting game, hoping to be one of their choices. A few days later, I was kind of expecting to get the email I did last time - we loved her but the team decided to go in another direction, we'll keep her in mind for next time! Those experiences are victories enough for me, but to my surprise I was one selected as one of the grieving friends! My very first IMDB credit! Next was a bunch of emails from the Costume department for my size and fitting and from the script coordinator for the most updated version of the script that day.

Being on set for the first time was an incredible experience. Meeting the other actors, and the incredible crew, hair and makeup team, I met so many incredible people - many of whom I am still connected with today. Thank you again Bright/Daniels Casting for believing in me!

If there's any takeaway from this experience, its that nothing is forced and that although we may feel like we may want or deserve a lot more of the roles we audition for as actors, the roles we get to play and when we get to play them happen for a reason. The casting directors responded to my audition because my emotions were authentic, raw, unforced - it was real grief. I had just lost my grandmother two months prior, so it was incredibly easy for me to access that well of emotions, a well that would not have existed a mere 3 months prior. Being able to have an outlet to cry for two days on an FX set doing what I love was cathartic, especially considering I refused to let myself shed those tears in the real world.

Its a rocky industry. I didn't get a single audition for 3 months after this experience. But I'm going to continue to be authentically myself every step of the way. And be sure to check out Aaron Hernandez:American Sports Story on FX/Hulu!

Until next time,

Check out clips from the final scene here!